roadside picture from a recent Sunday drive

Vi turned one year old this month: sunnier, smilier, and more beautiful than ever. We celebrated with pancakes at home, then later we enjoyed a cheesecake one of the ladies brought as dessert to our fortnightly church small group meeting. The meeting hostess added a candle and we all sang before the older children in the group blew the candle out on Vi’s behalf. A fun impromptu celebration!

Shortly after we celebrated Vi, my grandfather passed away. He was my last grandparent to die, and I am blessed by the godly legacy all of my grandparents have passed on to me. God is so merciful to “thousands … who love me and keep my commandments” as Nikki and Michael are learning in their catechism memorisation of the Ten Commandments.

One positive I have derived from this time of mourning is an eagerness to wake early in order to reflect and meditate quietly on Scripture and journal my thoughts before the day begins. My morning prayer time is now much more consistent!

I also read and began to apply Chapter 3 of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk. The chapter discusses alternatives to punishment, instead focusing on “natural consequences” and “problem solving.” The chapter also emphasizes teaching children how to make things right.

An example of how I modified my response yesterday based on what I learned in this latest chapter:

Michael was “washing dishes” (a favourite activity) in the sink and somehow during his water transfer activities, he managed to pour a lot of water on the floor. Before, I would have simply told him that he was finished washing dishes and required him to help clean up.

 

Yesterday, when I heard the water sploosh to the floor, I told Michael that he was finished. I also told him that I do not like it when he spills water on the floor and that it’s not good for our [wood] floor. I also explained that he needed to clean the water up himself. It took him a while and I had to coach a bit (e.g. we do not wring out the rag onto the floor before continuing to wipe with that same rag, we just get another rag). At the end of the process, however, I felt he had a much firmer grasp of my expectations and of how much water had been spilt, than he had previously when he simply had to stop washing and help clean up.

I liked the new approach since it led to better communication. Another positive benefit was that Michael did not cry once during the entire discipline process. I realised as we concluded the cleanup that I had been bracing myself to deal with his tears and possibly an “I don’t want to” stomping fit. Instead of a tantrum he tracked along the entire process and scampered away happily once the mess was cleared.

The box room is no more – instead we are referring to the empty, newly-primed space as the “front room.” Instead of making a pelmet, I found a foam company that will make the 3.8m (12.5′) pelmet inexpensively, after which I will add the cover. The curtains are hemmed and I plan to use the excess material to cover the pelmet… as long as it fits with my to-be-decided colour scheme.

I did have an interior designer come to our home for a colour consult. One hour turned into two, and the colours ended up being beige and brown. I’m sure they are the “correct” beige and brown, but I didn’t want beige! We have lived in neutral, tastefully decorated corporate and rental spaces for years, and I want my home to have colour. Also, the more I think about it the more disappointed I am that we ended up with the same colours that were on the interior designer’s business card!

So, I have decided to set aside the beige colour scheme I paid for and to become my own interior designer. I have been devouring design books from the library, surfing the image gallery at Houzz, and subjecting my sister to endless design angst via Skype.

My goals for September are to:

• celebrate Nikki’s fourth birthday!
• finalize a colour/design scheme for the house and paint poster boards with paint samples to test before we commit
• read and begin to apply Chapter 4 of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

I’ve been missing my Grandpa and reflecting on a hard-earned lesson on mourning. I am so grateful to each of you who have come alongside me and my family in our grief. Your kindness means so much.

image source

I severed a relationship with a good friend once because I withdrew after she lost her father to cancer. I didn’t write, call, or email because I didn’t know what to say. After a few months I tried to pick up our relationship again as if nothing had happened. But it was never the same, and now we’ve lost contact.

This lesson was learned the very hard way: actively engage the people I love in the midst of their grief.

My attempts at kindness and comfort are completely the opposite of my preference for withdrawal. I’m still practicing the art of kind words in difficult situations, and I make my share of clumsy mistakes. I also continue to second-guess myself and miss opportunities to pour love into the lives of others.

Just as I have learned to be patient with myself as I stumble along in kindness, it is equally important that I am patient with those I love in their grief. I miss opportunities to give, and loved ones may miss opportunities to receive. That doesn’t matter – grief is a tumultuous thing. Reaching out risks rebuff.

To never reach, to fail to risk, is to show more love to myself than to those who grieve.

Nikki and Michael happily drink homemade yogurt that didn’t firm up quite as expected

Nikki: Time is numbers that change.

Nikki: After I was one for a long time, I turned two and then three!!

Nikki [to Mama]: Hm. Your hands clap louder than mine. [shrug] That’s how God made you.

Michael [to Nikki in a playful yet aggressive tone]: I will drum at you and throw you into the fire and have a cake in there and EAT the cake in there!
…
Michael [to Nikki in a playful yet aggressive tone, yet nowhere near any water] You’re going to be under water. VERY under!

Nikki: Mama, last night in the middle of the night I prayed to God about my sins.
Mama: It’s so nice to pray in the middle of the night when it’s quiet.
Nikki: Yes, and I prayed about Michael’s big boy sins and Baba’s parent sins and Mama’s parent sins.

Grandpa and Nikki, with Grandma in the background – January 2007

I remember the first time I, as an adult, saw my dad and his dad together. It was amazing – they were so like each other. The same ears and eyes. The pens in their shirt pockets. The laugh! Especially the laugh.

And Grandpa had plenty of opportunity to laugh, because his hometown was full of “characters,” as he referred to some of the more memorable people among whom he grew up and later served during 16 years as mayor. These “characters” were always up to something, even when they probably shouldn’t have been. Grandpa had an amazing gift for humorously telling their stories.

Now Grandpa is up in Heaven with a birds-eye view of us all – one of the “great cloud of witnesses” as he cheers the rest of us on in our race here on earth. He certainly ran his own 90-year race well.

We’ll miss you, Grandpa. Say “hi” to Grandma for us.

We have a tradition of cake-free first birthdays in our family, but we still like to serve something special to celebrate that amazing first year of life. This year Ben and I made whole wheat pancakes, butter, ricotta cheese and apple butter completely from scratch to share with and honour Vi on her special day.

Vi enjoyed her meal, but she seemed even more excited about her new sippy cup!

Vi is such a sweet addition to our family! She is undoubtedly full of life.

She also:

• is super cuddly and huggable – I call her my “cuddle scoop”
• loves kisses and makes her own kissy noises in return
• crawls straight over to Baba when he gets home from work
• blows raspberries and enjoys it when we blow on her face
• enjoys sharing what she has – from toys to pre-chewed carrot sticks
• is adept at taking apart train sets, puzzles, and Duplo structures
• sings along with the “yeah, yeah, yeah”s of Mama’s rendition of “She Loves You”

          

How cool is this brief span of time when I have three children aged three, two, and ONE!

… but her favourite food is cheese!

While Ben was plastering during our long home-improvement weekend, I dug up a third of our lawn where the grass had died. The next morning I raked the area somewhat smooth, sowed grass seed, threw in some fertilizer, gave it another gentle rake, and watered. As soon as I turned my back, the family of doves who have grown fat from our olive tree invited some friends over for a little seed party.

So I called in my older children, the ones who yell “baaaaaahh” at the top of their lungs at any feathered sighting. I never knew this would come in handy…

This morning Vi pulled herself up on the stool and started moving forward on two feet!

Nikki and Michael are so pleased for Vi and her newfound mobility. They encourage her with “good work!” when she stands and walks, and protest that “that will never do” when she crawls.

I managed to catch a video of Vi’s second trek across the living room floor. Enjoy!